Astrid*Stars: February 2010

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Frustration and Desperation...oh joy!

So I know that I have not posted in over a month now. But it is not because I had nothing to write about. Quite the contrary, actually. I have had lots to write about, just had no idea where to start, and quite frankly I was both busy and a bit lazy! Over the past month though I have been feeling quite like the man in the picture that accompanies this post. FRUSTRATED and trapped in a small claustrophobic space. I truly believe that if it were not for my wonderful boyfriend, who just happens to be the love of my life, I would have lost it! I don't really know why I have been having all these ranges of emotions but it is exhausting and extremely frustrating. At first I thought it was due to my parents overbearing love which includes sacrificing a bit of myself at times or just giving up on the freedom I desire. But then after having a very emotional talk with my lovely mother, I realized not only that it was not this that was the cause of my frustration, but also that I need to grow the fuck up and become a bit more adult-like. Still the feeling of frustration and wanting to break out of my box did not go away. So now I believe that I am just frustrated with myself. I need to find myself more before I really make a big mess out of my life. At this point I am just desperate to discover what is that "chip on my shoulder". Now I just feel lonely when I shouldn't, but hopefully it is just due to me being sick and it will go away for good. Now that those thoughts have been put down as html, the good news. I have truly discovered just how grateful I am for having found someone I truly see myself with the rest of my life. I was going to blog on valentine's day but I got sick. Anyways, I didn't precisely do anything ON that day, but the friday before that I was able to just relax with my love and pig out to p'zone and the cheesecake (pie) I made for him. It was my first time I had a valentine and was not single for the holiday. Let me tell you, I was glad I waited until he came along to do Valentine's Day. He is great and way supportive. He is what has helped me keep it together. Anyways I'm done for now, I will try posting more often!